Last night, as I thought through why I was feeling unsettled, I realized something. I don’t have a home. It is both literal and spiritual.
First, I have been living with friends for awhile now and all of my things are in storage with the exception of a few items. So, I literally do not have a place of my own to go to and truly be by myself and rest (something I desperately need periodically).
Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate the opportunity to have some financial freedom. I am humbled by the fact that these friends would allow me to stay in their home. It is their home though, and not mine.
The feeling was substanciated when I spent some time with the person I am dating and one of his daughters. We were all at his house watching a movie and I thought, “wow, this is their home, not mine. ” I am welcomed there but it is not mine. I felt a twinge of homesickness. Will I have a home to call my own again? I am a person that places importance on place – a place to respite, revive, just be myself…
As I found peace again in my faith and remembered that sitting at the feet of Jesus is home, some of those feelings drifted away. Then I remembered, this world is not my home.
Perhaps inside I am truly beginning to long for HOME with He who loves me as far as the east is to the west. Where this body no longer plagues me with all of its issues (enough with the acne, aches, and shortness already), where I can literally sit at the feet of Jesus and praise Him, where my troubles will be just a whisper of a memory, where my sometimes weary soul will truly be at rest as we work for Him who deserves our service and all the glory we can muster.
I pray that I will always remember to whom I belong and where my true home is…with Jesus in Heaven. I pray the same for you.
In Him -
Sue