My resounding state of mind recently has been weariness. I think I am, after five years of living the Christian life, trying to figure out what being a Christian means for/to me. I am not referring to living a life relative to the worlds standards. I believe truth is truth and isn’t up for interpretation. What I think is more tiring is trying to figure out how to live the life God wants me to lead rather than seeking the opinions and input of those around me. Counsel is good, but it is also filtered through the lives and opinions of the beholder – the wisdom of man – which is always bound to confuse because those that love me are only human.
I think back to being very small and know that I have sought the opinion and approval of others all my life. I know the many reasons for this fact. And still, at my age, I do the same thing. It’s an emotinal drain and leads to my being worn down.
Interestingly, I recently read something about the scripture, “be still and know that I am God.” Funny how it is a reoccuring theme in my life….over and over again. It said, ”just be, don’t do” and soak in time with God to know His ways and peace. Then it reminded me that “and know that I am God” means ”to believe to the utmost.” I realize when I take in the counsel of others and let it rattle me I am doing neither. I am typically busy doing and getting input from others and often not seeking His input and believing to the utmost that He will fulfill His promises. I lack faith, so I get ahead of God, make questionable choices, and try to make things move in a particular direction only to have Him remind me that He is still sovereign and I am still so very much in need of Him in my life – walking ahead of me. It is good to see where I struggle. Now I pray for the wisdom to not fall in that struggle so very often.
I found these words comforting in my weariness and surprising lonliness -
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings of eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:28-31 TNIV
Sue
JoAnn Wilson said
Sue,
What a post! I’ve been going through the same weariness lately as you. Recently God made clear to me the difference between me getting godly counsel & the approval of man. They look pretty much the same from the outside. I’ll only know the difference INSIDE my own heart. If it’s FROM Him, it will lead me TO Him & peace will settle over me. Otherwise, it’s man’s opinion & approval I’m seeking. It’s Him first, others second, me last. Wonderfully refreshing when He lifts the weariness! Bless you for writing this. Can’t wait to see everyone in a couple of months. Colorado Springs, here we come! Love, JoAnn