The other day I thought of something that hit me pretty hard regarding how far I’ve come in my faith recently…My learning continues and my latest epiphany has been this…since removing all the rigidity, rule-following, opinions, legalism, bible studies, service, and even venturing out to a new church or two I have been able to re-discover the core of my faith. It comes down to this one thing for me – nothing more or less – and it’s the one thing to which I hold fast and has sustained me these past five years. Relationship – my daily relationship with God through Christ. There is no special magic to it, no strings attached, no big expectations, no required behavior of any sort – it is simply love.
At the end it is all that counts and all that I have that I can truly count on. So why the big deal – it is a relationship that has sustained me, the first to stand the test of time, brought me back from thoughts of suicide when my marriage failed, when I made mistakes, this the first true love I’ve ever known. It is simple, pure, without condition or demands (despite what the church and her people might say), and everlasting. It will never fail, end, betray, or leave me. It is a love story!
Why share this…. I am pondering the question about whether or not I can take others where they are at; I wonder can they take me where I’m at? I imagine that my faith and church involvement puts some people off. I wonder why. It is such a simple love. My desire to stay close to my faith and attend church isn’t born out of a weird sense of obligation or duty. It is a desire to connect with a God who loves me. I don’t care about people who have been judgmental and demanding. I almost let them drive me away from my faith. I’ve decided that they simply don’t matter because I don’t live for them.
I wonder too, because it is this love that answers in so many ways the question of why I keep believing in others and staying the course. I can love them because I was first loved. I can believe in them because Jesus believes in me. I can love others when they challenge my patience and hurt me because God does the same for me. I’ve been told by a few people that I am different – which makes me smile a bit because I was a jerk for most of my life. I don’t know what they mean by that, but I believe, in many ways it may be because I know I’m loved and that fact allows me to love others, want the best for them, walk alongside them, grant them grace, be imperfect and non-judgmental (I hope with all my heart that this is true) with them, and to be on their side. If that is not what makes me different to others, I hope I can do a better job of showing them more of those traits in the future, no matter the part I play in their life.
It took me about five years to figure out the true core of this faith and why it sustains me. It has been an amazing five years of hurting, healing, growth – coming alive and enjoying God. I know now that I can just exist and do nothing and I would be loved wholly. I know I can screw up and be loved – a first for me. Thankfully, His love for me is not based on anything I do, but everything He did. It gives me rest and peace. I want others to know the wonder of this peace which is why I share. It is simply that – not a desire to fix, change, or control.
I feel the risk of being so open with those around me. I simply can’t distance myself from my faith – it is what got me through my divorce and so much more – I realized recently that I simply want this relationship with God as part of my life. Just the simple, basic parts – the complicated rules and legalism I am happily leaving behind. I suppose, I am ok if this makes others decide that they don’t want to be part of my life because it is honest and comes from my heart. That’s the best I can offer, it is genuine, and it is part of my whole self which I want others to know.
In Christ -
Sue
